When What You've Been Through Still Affects How You Feel Today
Maybe you've spent a long time wondering why certain things feel harder for you than they seem to for other people.
Trauma Therapy
You may overthink conversations, struggle to trust yourself, feel responsible for other people's emotions, or have a difficult time feeling truly safe in your relationships. You may understand that you're safe now, but still find yourself bracing for something to go wrong.
For many people, complex and relational trauma isn't one single event. It can develop through repeated experiences of feeling unseen, unsafe, criticized, controlled, abandoned, emotionally overwhelmed, or responsible for keeping the peace. Sometimes the things that shaped you happened within relationships that were supposed to feel safe. You may have learned to pay close attention to other people's moods, hide your needs, avoid conflict, or disconnect from your own feelings in order to get through.
Maybe you've become incredibly independent because relying on other people never felt safe. Maybe you're always the one taking care of everyone else. Maybe setting a boundary brings up guilt, or being vulnerable feels frightening even when you deeply want connection. You may find yourself questioning whether your feelings are valid or wondering why you can't simply let something go.
If any of this feels familiar, there is nothing wrong with you for responding this way. These patterns often develop for understandable reasons. Therapy can give you a place to understand where they came from while creating space for something different.
When Relationships Have Shaped the Way You See Yourself
Relational trauma can affect much more than your relationships with other people. Over time, it can shape the way you relate to yourself.
You may have learned to question your own needs because someone else’s needs always seemed more important. You may struggle to know what you want because you've spent years adapting to the people around you. You might feel guilty for saying no, worry about being too much, or find yourself constantly looking for signs that someone is upset with you.
You may also have a complicated relationship with your own emotions. Perhaps you learned that anger wasn't safe, sadness was inconvenient, or having needs made you a burden. Maybe you became so good at holding everything together that you aren't sure what happens when you finally let yourself feel.
These experiences can leave you feeling disconnected from yourself, even when you're deeply thoughtful and self-aware. Therapy can become a space where you don't have to minimize what you've experienced or convince yourself that it wasn't that bad.
My Approach to Complex and Relational Trauma
My trauma work is heavily grounded in SomEx, a somatic and experiential approach. I also draw from IFS-informed perspectives, mindfulness, and self-compassion. My approach is gentle, collaborative, and focused on helping you develop a deeper understanding of yourself rather than forcing you to revisit painful experiences before you're ready.
I don't believe trauma therapy has to mean telling your entire story from beginning to end. We can pay attention to what you're experiencing in the present, including what happens in your body, your emotions, your relationships, and the ways you respond when something feels unsafe.
SomEx: Working With More Than Words
SomEx℠, or Somatic Experiential Therapy, is a therapeutic approach developed at the Experiential Healing Center in Memphis, Tennessee. It combines somatic and experiential therapy and explores the connection between the mind, body, and emotions.
One of the things I value about SomEx is that it gives us another way to work with experiences that may be difficult to put into words. Complex and relational trauma can show up in your body long after the original experiences have passed. You may tense up around conflict, shut down when emotions become intense, feel disconnected when someone gets close, or notice your body reacting before you consciously understand why.
Rather than only talking about these patterns intellectually, SomEx invites us to slow down and pay attention to the story your body is telling, and your felt experience. We can become curious about what you're noticing in your body, what feelings are present, and what happens as you stay with an experience instead of immediately push or explain it away.
SomEx can also incorporate experiential resources such as movement and props when appropriate. These can give us another way to explore and process experiences that may be difficult to access through words alone.
Making Space for the Different Parts of You
I am also IFS-informed, which means I draw from some of the concepts and perspectives of Internal Family Systems in my work. I am not formally certified through the IFS Institute, and I want to be transparent about that.
One perspective I find particularly meaningful is the idea that different parts of us can develop different ways of responding to and coping with what we've experienced. You may have a part of you that desperately wants connection while another part is afraid to trust anyone. One part may want to set a boundary while another immediately worries that you'll hurt someone or be abandoned.
Instead of judging these conflicting parts, we can become curious about them. What is each part trying to protect? What does it need? What might change if you could understand these parts with compassion instead of criticizing yourself for having them?
You Don't Have to Retell Everything That Happened
You may worry that starting trauma therapy means having to revisit every painful memory. It doesn't.
You get to decide what you share, when you share it, and how quickly we move. Sometimes we'll talk about the past, and sometimes we'll focus on something happening in your life right now. We may pay attention to a reaction you're having in the present and become curious about what your body or emotions are trying to communicate.
There is no prize for getting through the hardest parts of your story as quickly as possible. That takes time. Your pace matters, and feeling safe enough to go there matters.
What If I Don't Know Whether My Experience Counts as Trauma?
Maybe you've questioned whether your experiences were “bad enough” to affect you. You may compare your story to someone else's and tell yourself that you shouldn't still be struggling. Maybe what happened was so familiar that you didn't recognize it as harmful until much later.
You don't have to find the perfect label for your experience before you deserve support. If something continues to affect the way you relate to yourself, your relationships, your body, or your sense of safety, that's worth exploring.
What If I've Always Been the One Who Holds Everything Together?
You may be the person everyone relies on. You're capable, responsible, thoughtful, and good at getting things done. Maybe you've learned how to keep functioning no matter what is happening internally.
Sometimes the people who appear the most capable are the ones struggling the most internally.
You don't have to fall apart before you're allowed to receive support. Therapy can be a place where you don't have to take care of anyone else, explain everything perfectly, or convince anyone that you're okay.
You Deserve a Place Where Your Experience Can Be Witnessed And Held With Care
You don't have to understand every part of yourself or your story before reaching out. If experiences from your relationships or your past continue to affect the way you see yourself, connect with others, or move through the world, I'd be honored to support you.
I offer a free 15-minute consultation where you can ask questions, share a little about what you're looking for, and get a sense of whether we'd be a good fit. You don't need to have the right words or know exactly what you need.
We can start wherever you are.